I'm you, not me but he is I
by WiseCrack
Summary: We are in a stage where everything is awkward and unstable. I just hope our friendship can survive.
1. Philosophy

I'm You Not Me But He Is I  
  
Chapter One Philosophy  
  
  
  
Takato. Takato. What a name. Takato.  
  
  
  
I held up my hands to my face and studied the lines. Where did they come from? I scrunched my eyebrows and I cupped my hands a little to see the lines crease. My eyes widened a bit; is that how the lines came about, by folding hands? Heh. What a wonder.  
  
  
  
I always thought everything was a wonder. Sometimes I think that I'll grow up to be a philosopher. I always wondered what the purpose of life was. I had many answers, but all of them were forgotten due to denial that they would ever be the right ones. Although, one answer that stayed with me was by far the weirdest, but strangely the most believable to me.  
  
  
  
To me, it seemed as if I was the only real live person in this whole world. It's not sad to think that I may be alone, but it's rather intriguing.  
  
  
  
What of everybody else? I often thought that they were robots or something. I mean, if I thought I was the only real human being in flesh, what else could everybody be? And if there were other real people out there (and I would like to think there're only a few), I would feel some kind of connection to them. It's not like that love at first sight thing; I am a firm disbeliever in that. It's more like, you see yourself in their eyes once you meet them. it's like, um, like. I don't know how it's like! I just know that we are somehow just one person and different people at the same time. It's strange, I know; I think of the strangest things.  
  
  
  
But what would be stranger is if my thoughts turned out to be true. What if there were really people out there like me? What if everybody else were just robots? Ahh, these thoughts run through my head so fast that it makes me feel dizzy.  
  
  
  
I think of the strangest things; things like life, like fantasy, like Takato. Hmm. I wonder.  
  
  
  
_ =^= _  
  
  
  
Besides wondering, I also do a lot of hiding. No, not like hide and go seek. more like bottling up my emotions, thoughts, and secrets until at some point I have to explode, the eruption of feelings hurting everyone else around me.  
  
  
  
I'm not a big-hearted person, worrying about everyone else around me; I don't care if people around me get hurt. Not like that girl Juri. I roll my eyes. She may be strong at some level, defending people when they're vulnerable, but from way up here in my position, she is one of the weakest people I've ever laid my eyes upon. She's so weak she has to rely on that sock puppet of hers to speak for her. And those tears, those tears of hers are always so generous when people get the slightest tremor in their bodies, which is now a usual occurrence because of the horrible winter.  
  
  
  
As for me, I don't care about hurting people as long as I get what I want. And it's not often I want something so badly, so it must be real important if I'm willing to risk a life or two.  
  
  
  
I frowned at the mirror, and my reflection shot back an ugly face. Ten year olds aren't supposed to be thinking about these things. Ten? Only ten years I have been living this miserable life?  
  
  
  
I shook my head, disapproving my exaggerations. I do that a lot, too, making things seem worse than they are, aside from wondering. My life isn't miserable compared to the thousands, millions of people living in third- world countries who are asking why they're still alive. Okay, maybe my life is rich compared to theirs, but I'm not rich that I could go and waste the green extravagantly when other people need it.  
  
  
  
That's why I'm not exceptionally fond of my mother. She goes out with only a purse - full of money, no doubt - and comes back with armloads of clothes, trinkets, and perfumes that she thinks are necessary for life. Doesn't she know other people would have cringed just to have seen her thoughtlessly gather those expensive clothes and throw them onto her already large pile? One dress suit would probably cost as much as a banquet that would last a poor little village days, even weeks!  
  
  
  
I said I didn't care about hurting people, but when I do it, I have important motives. Shopping for clothes isn't one of them.  
  
  
  
I look at the mirror again. My eyes are full of anger that has no real reason to be there. My mother should never be a cause of any of my emotions. I just get so fired about these things that I can't help but blow up. Of course, I don't lose my self-control so easily. When I bottle up my emotions, I don't carelessly expose them to others; I wait until I am alone to release my pent up frustrations.  
  
  
  
Outside, the sky is getting dark, and the last, dying rays of the sun escape into my half-open door. I stand up from my vanity and slide into my bed.  
  
  
  
Another day has gone by with me just sitting here, wasting my time on myself. If only Renamon were here, then we'd have already left early in the morning, off towards the forbidden football fields behind the school closed for the winter where we'd practice and practice and practice and practice.  
  
  
  
_ =^= _  
  
  
  
I don't know how long I'd slept, but when the noise awoke me, it was completely dark. The noise continued, its proprietor unaware it had woken up someone.  
  
  
  
Ruki was fully awake now, sitting up on her mat and tense. Something is outside my house!  
  
  
  
She never thought to call for her grandmother, far less her mother, but instead got up and crept toward the door. She carefully peeked around, allowing only her unkempt hair and alert eyes out into the cold. Whatever it was, she was prepared and had her defenses up.  
  
  
  
Usually Ruki wasn't easily scared, but what she saw startled her very much.  
  
  
  
***_ =^= _ ***  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's notes: Well, there's the story. I've only edited it a bit, so if you want to be my editor, feel free to be. My e-mail and screen name are in my info.  
  
Let's hope this time I actually continue the fic. Look at my Harry Potter story! What a shame =( Maybe I am up to writing more chapters for it.  
  
Ehh, I think this chapter Ruki is a bit OOC with staring at her hands. It's what I do, actually. But no fear! If I actually get a good editor, Ruki will be in character in no time! XD  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. I don't even know why I'm putting this up; unless the real creators and owners like to prowl and write for fan fiction sites, I highly doubt that everybody needs to read this stuff over and over again. Although, Takato wouldn't be a bad addition to my collection XD  
  
Next chapter preview: So, what's that thing outside Ruki's house? Why was she startled? I'm afraid I can't reveal much in this li'l ol' preview! =) Until next time! 


	2. Incident

I'm You Not Me But He Is I  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Incident  
  
  
  
Ruki shook her head. What is that?  
  
  
  
Without her house was a lump of a person, freezing and shuffling to get warm in the cold. Snow had begun falling heavily just minutes ago and Ruki thought that the person was starting to resemble a pathetic snowman. Bah, Ruki, you're getting soft. Scared?  
  
  
  
She cautiously stepped barefoot outside the warmth of her house and treaded towards him on the icy ground. Reaching the frozen boy, she leant in front of him, and after a moment of staring, Ruki backhanded the boy's cheek.  
  
  
  
That woke him up. "Wha-?" He lifted his head and looked around him. When his eyes rested on Ruki, there was no light of recognition in them. "What?"  
  
  
  
But before she could retort back, her vision changed. The next moment she was staring at scowling girl who could have been her twin. Is that me?  
  
  
  
Startled at the suddenness of it, Ruki shook her head to clarify what she saw, but when she opened her eyes again, she was looking at the ice-boy, unconscious once more.  
  
  
  
Strange.  
  
  
  
A gust of wind swept through both children but only one of them had enough wits to leave before another one came. Ruki grabbed both of the ice-boy's arms and hauled him up with little difficulty. In fact, so little was it that her force sent her toppling backwards and she almost fell into the snow had she not regained her balance quickly.  
  
  
  
Ruki stared at the boy in her arms. For a boy like him, he sure is underweight. But she just shrugged the thought away and carried him into her house.  
  
  
  
Once inside, she put the boy down on her bed and pulled the covers on him. She didn't bother removing his damp clothes because it serves him right waking me up like that. After she closed the door leading outside, she continued into the living room where it was warmer. She closed the door behind her and settled on the couch. Ruki almost regretted leaving the cold boy in her colder room but she reasoned that it was his fault staying out in the blizzard. And besides, he's sleeping on my bed.  
  
  
  
Ruki raised an eyebrow. I should let him know tomorrow how much it's gonna cost him for picking the wrong house.  
  
  
  
_ =^= _  
  
  
  
I opened my eyes, but the glare of the sun forced me to close them. I rolled over in my bed, forgetting that I usually sleep in a bunk.  
  
  
  
Uh-oh.  
  
  
  
Before I could stop my body, I fell off. only to find the floor wasn't that far down.  
  
  
  
Huh, I could have sworn that I slept at least five feet off the ground every night.  
  
  
  
I opened my eyes again, defying the sunlight.  
  
  
  
Oh.  
  
  
  
This wasn't my room.  
  
  
  
Rubbing the grogginess from my face, I sat up on the bed. I looked down on it and immediately panicked. There was only one person I knew who slept on a futon.  
  
  
  
Ruki.  
  
  
  
_ =^= _  
  
  
  
I watched Takato while I hid in the shadowy corner of my room. That boy sure can make a fool of himself early in the day.  
  
  
  
I smirked as he realized whose bed he had been sleeping on. Amazing how my reputation precedes me very fast, since it was only days ago I beat the crap out of that thief who dared touch my digimon cards. And I made sure people saw. One of them happened to be the boy on my bed.  
  
  
  
_ =^= _  
  
  
  
I sleep on a futon.  
  
  
  
Takato remembered that conversation very well with Makino Ruki. In absolute boredom, he invited anyone who came into the bakery to play the card game with him. He remembered bumping into the her and her icy cold glare that somewhat calmed when he offered to play the game.  
  
  
  
After numerous victories later - all Ruki's of course - Takato broke the silence. His ego had been deflating by each loss of his and in an attempt to save it he started on the topic of dreams. He was playing with fire because the last time Takato talked to her about dreams, she threatened to "beat him to a pulp that his own parents wouldn't even know it was him." Nonetheless, the boy was keen not to mention that particular dream.  
  
  
  
He had been dreaming strangely of late, but he was too embarrassed to tell his parents. Had Jenrya been there, Takato would have spilled everything to him by now, but his friend had been missing in action a few days now.  
  
  
  
Ruki listened, but made very few attempts to contribute into the discussion. Takato wasn't fazed, however, and told a humorous account of falling off his bunk bed when he woke up from another strange dream. He had asked her if she ever fell off her bed, but she answered, "I sleep on a futon."  
  
  
  
Then she stood up from the bench table and walked out of the park without him.  
  
  
  
_ =^= _  
  
  
  
Judging from that pensive look in his eyes, Ruki knew he was remembering their meeting a week ago. She wondered what he thought of her abrupt departure. She hadn't meant to be rude - she just naturally was. Talking about where she slept would only reveal more about her and that wasn't the kind of conversation she would tolerate.  
  
  
  
She looked down at her open hands. What was it about those creases that never failed to tweak her imagination?  
  
  
  
The way they look, the way they distract you.  
  
  
  
She closed them.  
  
  
  
Her eyes looked up. and met his eyes.  
  
  
  
And then she was looking at herself.  
  
  
  
_ =^= _  
  
  
  
"What the - "  
  
  
  
Takato was looking at the boy sitting on the bed with a dumbfounded look that was probably on his own face. What's going on?  
  
  
  
He instinctively looked down at his closed hands, which he found weren't at all his. He looked below them and saw scars on the wrists - angry, red ones that haven't fully healed - continuing up the arms.  
  
  
  
Before he could investigate the wounds any further, his vision changed and he was looking at Ruki.  
  
  
  
  
  
***_ =^= _ ***  
  
  
  
Author's notes: I revised the chapter because after I posted the one with Sahasrala, I immediately disliked it. You see folks, I am not very partial with original characters unless they are done very, very well, and I don't think I have enough writing skills to round out such a character. No fear, explanations will come in another form ;)  
  
The chapter two I posted here before wasn't the original chapter two. Nope, I had another one written and ready to go but - you knew there was a 'but' didn't you? - it was stored away in another computer that was formatted and my files were deleted with it. My apologies, but I've striven to write this chapter to be better.  
  
Disclaimer: Almost. almost there! . ack! The police are here! Run! . Shoot, I almost had Digimon for myself!  
  
Next chapter preview: What in the world just happened? Is there some kind of conspiracy going on here? We'll find out in the next chapter! 


	3. Friendship

_Chapter Three_   
Friendship

  
  
  
  
I was confused, and to me, confusion is a state of helplessness. When I feel helpless, I get mad. _What is going on here!_   
  
  
"What did you do?" I asked in a cool voice, very opposite to the boiling anger inside of me. Takato did not answer. I threatened him.   
  
  
"If you don't tell me what just happened, I'll make sure your goggles will be permanently wrapped tightly around your neck until your circulation is cut off and then I'll throw you outside into the snow where…" I trailed off, leaving the rest to his imagination. But still, he did not speak.   
  
  
I was thinking of following up on my offer when I heard him. When he spoke, he did not sound like the Takato I knew.   
  
  
"I had a dream –"   
  
  
Then again, how much did I know him?   
  
  
"– and I was dreaming of you."   
  
  


- = ^ = -

  
  
  
"What did you do?" Ruki broke the hateful silence. I never knew such a simple question could be so hard to answer.   
  
  
How could I tell her? The first time I revealed to Ruki that I dreamt of her before I actually met her was suicide. She promised me she would pummel my face into my head so hard that even my own parents wouldn't recognize me. It was a good thing Jenrya was there or I would've gone home without face at all – both literally and figuratively.   
  
  
Imagine that, being beaten up by a girl. Under normal circumstances I would've laughed and shrugged it away, but Ruki was not a normal girl. She is cold and calculating, smart and cunning, making her a very talented card player. But most importantly, she is tough and strong. If she was dangerous in her usual icy mood, I wouldn't want to know how she is when she gets mad.   
  
  
But the weird thing is that I should know. After all, it was she and Jenrya whom I spent the most time with during our digimon adventures. Now I don't remember much of our exploits or if she had ever gotten mad and lost control… I know I did. _Snap out of it, stop feeling sorry for yourself!_   
  
  
I… I have to admit that in the one and a half years that passed us by after our digimon escapades, I only could recall bits and pieces. The ones I have of the most are… are of Guilmon. He is always the star in every one of my memories, and I miss him so. It was so painful and very hard for me to lose my closest friend. I made him and he completed me. I miss him so.   
  
  
A gloom had settled in my stomach and could not be lifted even when I heard Ruki's threats. Her words could penetrate the dark barrier that I have erected around me. It always gets like this when I think of Guilmon… I wonder if I'm going crazy…   
  
  
I must be because I truthfully answered Ruki's question.   
  
  


- = ^ = -

  
  
  
Ruki stood up, perplexed and enraged. Her anger had ebbed away when she found threatening hadn't affected Takato in the least bit. But after hearing his answer, her fury was burning anew. _How dare he!_   
  
  
"What. Did. You. Just. Say." She made sure to punctuate each word. Her eyes blinked a dangerous glint and she advanced towards her guest.   
  
  
Takato didn't even move. Nor did her flinch when she pushed her face in front of his.   
  
  
"You heard me," he whispered. It earned him a slap from Ruki.   
  
  
"Are you mocking me?"   
  
  
Takato felt the stinging aftershock on his right cheek and Ruki could see her handprint turning fiery red on his face.   
  
  
A cold silence settled upon the two children, regardless of the bouncing rays of the sunlight on the walls. Ruki's face held no remorse; instead a look of justice hardened her features.   
  
  
"You have no right barging into my house and insulting me," she gritted through clenched teeth.   
  
  
He scoffed. "Like I would ever come after you. Don't flatter yourself, Ruki."   
  
  
Another slap.   
  
  
"If you really care about your life then you will be gone from my sight in a blink," she spat.   
  
  
With nothing more to say, or rather having a lack of things to say, Takato pushed himself from the futon and led his way to the door. He courteously bowed to his host and her guardians on the way out before turning down the street and heading towards the bakery.   
  
  


- = ^ = -

  
  
  
_Like I would ever come after you…_   
  
  
His own words echoed soundly and deeply in his mind and nothing could shake it off. What made him say that? He never thought he could do anything stupider than telling her about the dream but now this happened. Her impression of him now must be lower than the lowest it had ever been.   
  
  
But she was his friend. Of course he'll always come after her, like he would for Jenrya, Hirokazu, Kenta, and Juri. That was the point, right, when he had that frightening dream?   
  
  
He shook his head and brought his knees to his chest. He hoped Ruki wouldn't think he didn't care about her, because he did. His friends are some of the most precious things he has and he had no nerve to start losing them.   
  
  
After coming home and giving his parents a fright with his appearance in front of their store and instead of his bedroom (which they should have gotten used to by now), he went on with his Saturday chores and headed for the park. He had rung for Jenrya's house the moment he came home and told his friend to meet him there, telling him to call on Hirokazu and Kenta as well. Just because their adventures were over didn't mean they stopped being friends. Maybe more if only he could get closer to a certain girl…   
  
  
"Takato?" Speak of the devil. Juri Katou stood in front of the dazed boy, sunlight reflecting of her smooth skin, making her glow like a... an angel, Takato thought. When was the last time he had seen her? _Too long ago…_ In fact, Ruki was the first person from the Digimon troupe he had seen in almost over a year. His heart heaved a sigh, for it felt warm just to see a familiar face that held some of the memories he had saved. Also, it felt relieved that it didn't have to be alone and defend itself from the looming gloom of the dream.   
  
  
He didn't speak, but he didn't turn her away either. She sat down with him, and he could feel her warmth, pinking his face a little. The both of them, backs against a great, old tree, waited in companionable silence for the rest of their friends to come.   
  
  


*** - = ^ = - ***

  
  
  
  
Author's notes: I have plans for this, muahahaha! Let's just hope it carries through, because I'm already looking way past this moment here and seeing bright and wonderful things ahead! And some dark and gloomy angst, too, but that's beside the point. =)   
  
  
Disclaimer: Oh my darlin' Oh my darlin' Oh my darlin' Clementine You are lost and gone forever, but Digimon still has a copyright………….. Yargh.   
  
  
Next chapter preview: Yea, I noticed these aren't previews at all. So why don't we call them next chapter questions? Just like a textbook! So, why is Ruki really ticked? And since when did Takato get so depressed about Guilmon? Write down your answers, kiddos, and let's see if you're right in… the next chapter!   
  
  



	4. Hurt

_Chapter Four_

Hurt 

_Crunch._ Ruki turned around. No one was there. She frowned before she continued walking again. 

_Crunch, crunch._ This time, she swore she heard footsteps trampling on dead leaves. But instead of stopping to look again, she kept on walking. 

Upon reaching a corner, she turned and pushed herself against the brick wall. Whoever it was following her would soon see he should never mess with Ruki. 

The trees rustled nearby and Ruki shivered a little when the breeze swept her way. _Maybe Grandmother was right about a sweater…_ It's too late for that now, and besides, only a few more strides and she'll be at the park in no time. 

Wait a minute… was she worrying? What does she have to worry about? She balled her fists. Nobody makes her worry, and if they did, they won't live to see tomorrow. 

Ruki grinned evilly. 

_Whoever was around that corner better be saying his last prayers…_

- = ^ = -

Drat, he lost her! Jenrya stopped walking and turned his head both sides. _Where did Ruki go?_ She was just there a moment ago. On his way to the park after telling the others to meet with Takato and him over there, he spotted Ruki and wondered if Takato called her, too. So he followed her; he called out the first time, but apparently she was too absorbed with herself that she didn't hear him, and just now she just pulled a disappearing act on him. 

When he didn't see anyone to his left or right, he commenced his journey again. _Hold on a second - commenced… journey, wha-?_ Since when did he use uncommon words as part of his everyday vocabulary? 

This must be what his father warned him about. He couldn't wait to get to the others and enlighten them on this new circumstance. 

_Argh, there goes those words again!_ Jenrya hurried his walk. He made sure not to forget the most important parts of what he learned during his 'family' trip. Who knows? this could lead to another adventure. He smiled at that thought. 

- = ^ = -

Takato and Juri have been waiting for half an hour but so far nothing has been said between the two. The comfortable air that first surrounded them slowly faded away and a refreshing feeling of uneasiness replaced it. 

"So, uh, how've ya been?" he asked. 

"F-fine, I guess," she replied. 

A pause. 

"That's good…" he trailed off. Another round of silence. 

"Say, Takato, um, well, do you, d'you think that… uh…" she left the incoherent sentence hanging. The boy, on the other hand, was clinging to every word she said. 

"Yeah?" 

"It's nothing. N-nevermind." 

"Oh, ok." He didn't bother to hide his disappointment. This might have been the only moment she thought it was a bad thing she wasn't deaf. She couldn't bear that tone, especially from her friends. Especially from him. Too much disappointment already flooded her life, making her accept only the few friends she already has. It hurt her to know, see, feel, hear that the people she trust the most are disappointed with her. 

In her. 

She just couldn't bear it anymore. 

So she cried. 

This startled him and he didn't know what to do. 

- = ^ = -

The footsteps reappeared, and they were getting closer and closer… 

Ruki whipped around in a flash and – _WHACK!_ – did a high spin kick. Unfortunately for Jenrya, her target meant his head. He was out before he even hit the ground. 

Ruki smiled to herself as she examined her handiwork. This was the first time she had ever beaten up a person in real life and she was successful. _Those threats weren't empty after all._

She would have celebrated that fact if she didn't happen to glance down at the face of her victim, who was none other than Jenrya Lee. Instead of guilt, dread, concern or any feeling that may have indicated she was acquainted with him on friendly terms, she felt her temper soar. _You'd better have a damned good explanation for following me, Lee._

As it turns out, a victory cannot be enjoyed by Ruki if the loser happened to be an unknowing… _friend._

_Damn you, Lee. You just rained in on my parade._

Just because of that, she concluded that it was only fair to leave him there. 

She continued her way to the park, leaving the poor, vulnerable, unconscious boy to rot on the sidewalk. 

- = ^ = -

Takato didn't know what to do with the crying girl beside him. What did he say? What did he do? _What is going on?_

"J-Juri…?" he tentatively ventured. But she didn't give him any hints that she heard him and so he felt even more confused. What was he supposed to do? 

He contemplated on putting his arm around her, but she probably would think he was taking advantage of her current state. What should he do then? _Think, Takato!_ Unaware, his back had slowly started to slide up on the trunk until he was upright. 

He wanted to make her stop crying because it made him nervous. Maybe, if he just gave her time to cool down she'd come around and tell him what's wrong. Yeah, she obviously was in no mood to talk… _just a few minutes and I'll come back to check on you, Juri. Wait for me._

Taking a few tentative steps away from the tree he looked back over his shoulder and quickly snapped his head forward; Juri wasn't a pretty sight right now. 

Whoa. Hold on a minute. _I cannot believe I even thought that!_ Thinking even more lowly of himself, Takato did the only thing he could think of right now – _run away, away from here._

As Takato took bolder steps away from the mourning Juri, she looked up only to see him walking down the road toward the sunset. _What have I done?_ She did it again; she scared him away. 

She dried her tears, they couldn't wash away her sadness, and headed for home. As she was walking past the entrance to the school, she saw a peculiar sight. A child no older than herself was staring beyond the gates and up at the school buildings. What was the child very strange was his attire. 

Dressed in all green, topped with a green cap (it reminded of Juri of a wizard's headdress, but this one wilted down instead of standing straight up), the child would be easy to spot amongst a crosswalk crowd. 

As Juri walked nigh, the child looked up and the intensity of his stare made Juri stop four steps away. 

"Who are you?" 

***- = ^ = -***

Author's Notes: AHHHHH!!! Sorry for making you wait - -;; I hope this was enough to sate your unsatisfied hunger for my tale-weaving ;) 

Before I forget – Merry, Merry Christmas to you all! Personally, I can't wait – lots of food in store for my bottomless glutton. Hehe, too much info but isn't it good for authors and their fans to have a healthy relationship? 

Whooo, I'm getting ahead of myself here. My ego trip even amazes me sometimes. But all the same, thank you for your patience. 

Now, on a more serious note, I have seen that this chapter isn't that much of a development on the story and the glaring fact that cannot be ignored is that it's very short. Nonetheless, I would be ecstatic for a little supportive criticism. And I do read the reviews - honestly, what kind of an author doesn't? And I got an idea by reading one of your comments =) I'd like to thank you very, mucho much! Reviews are indeed handy. 

Disclaimer: I'd put a rather witty/clever twist to my disclaimers but seeing as how I am incapable of ever pulling of a sarcastic expression, let's just lay off it. I don't own Digimon =) 

Peevey fact: Did you know I cringe everytime I see words misspelled? 


End file.
